Month: August 2019

I wasn’t totally crazy, they used to dissect something, EVEN in the distance learning class. I didn’t dare ask what. 😬

There could have been a cat in there! Not really. Probably an owl pellet or something cheap.

I already did the cat thing anyway. Mrs. Teals A&P was legit.

Does anyone know where the bookstore keeps the “more hours in a day” add on pack, Imma need a few of those.

Sam said I had to look like a kid for school. #firstdayfunbuns

So I signed up for a “hybrid class.” That means that you do part of it Online and part in person. For this particular section we only go to campus for an orientation (Friday) and for our tests. So sadly, I have not actually been on campus while it was actually in session.

That being said, perhaps I would have been better served with a class that involves less technology? Oh well, I’m in it now! Part of my very expensive book purchase was actually a voucher for a distance learning lab kit. I had no clue what that entailed, just that I had to sign in to that companies website and then they drop shipped it to me immediately. We will get to that part of my Monday fun shortly.

The school also apparently just changed their online class management program/site/dooflachy at the beginning of the summer. So instructions on online courses is convoluted anyway because no one is used to this current system. Or at least I’m telling myself this because it makes me feel better about my struggles. It’s probably super simple, but I’m three kids dumber now and far more tired than a lot of these young whipper snappers.

I was told I wouldn’t be able to log in to this program till Monday. So Monday morning I anxiously logged in to the 14 pathways to get to the course. There is also a separate deal where we can do our lab work? I’m still all confused but I’m hoping Friday will clear that part up. We had several tasks we needed to complete. The first of which was to introduce ourselves to our classmates and list three things we want to learn. You can’t see what everyone ahead of you wrote till you make your post.

I wrote something fairly generic on being a returning student and my three topics I want to learn more about. Almost instantly I could then view other posts. It was immediately clear the other posters were traditional students. One opened their post with their major, age, and goals for learning. Guess which one of those grabbed my attention. I had a hysterical laugh till I cried moment because it was suddenly very obvious (despite it being an online course) that the other students (that had posted before me) were closer in age to my TWO year old than to me. I have clothes older than my classmates. Said clothes also have a better chance of being their size than mine, but I digress. That’s both funny and a reality check. I got email notifications all day when other classmates did their posts. At least a few are also non-traditional students. I’m 100% certain I’ll recognize them when I see them in person Friday.

Note the dog judging me.

Anyway, I also noted most of the students are hoping to get in to the nursing program. So they are my competition. So I tried desperately to get my first chapter read, log in to the 4 million websites we use, watch the videos, download all the PowerPoints, print the worksheets, etc. All the while, momming. It was E’s first day of school. I had promised S I would take him to Target to pick out something with his money from lemonade stand and for vacuuming my parents car. A was exited to go to Tah-gate but was not so excited to BE there. And she shared her feelings loudly. While we were there I got a notification my “distance lab kit” was delivered. Intriguing. Scary. Screaming kid… MY screaming kid! Totally forgot about the mystery package.

Once we finally left (and I know I brought it on myself by a post I made in a mom group about hilarious but gross things kids do), I hear A in the back seat saying, “I wash mommy!” I look back and her hands are all wet. My brain was unable to process what could possibly be happening and then she commenced licking her hands. “All kweeeeeen!” Vomit in my mouth. I expect we will all have cooties later today.

I get her home and washed her hands (with the soap and water, not by licking them in case you are questioning this). We ate lunch, S worked on his legos, I tried to read and comprehend more pages unsuccessfully. I’m guessing around 1:30 I ran to the front door to get the lab kit.

I’ve taken anatomy before. I saw this box and I suddenly panicked that there was something to dissect in there, at home. I mean every other anatomy class I have had has involved dissecting a cat, a fetal pig, a frog, an owl pellet (it’s a real thing, think owl hairball). And based on the size and former experiences, my mind immediately worried there was a thawing cat in there.

I realized slightly slower than your average 19 year old that was ridiculous based on many things. It was a box of stuff for experiments that could be done (and stored) safely at home.

No animals. Just this guy. And some beakers, clove oil (I don’t know what for, but it’s is potent). Definitely not a cat though. I need more coffee. I should have totally done a YouTube unboxing video of me opening this.

Ah well, I am off to an interesting start with new college. If nothing else this is going to present some awesome writing prompts for my blog. Or book. How does one write a book anyway? Or monetize a blog? Do you guys just send me checks? Kidding! I know the kids these days (I go to school with them) and they said Venmo is the in thing. My check book is “So extra.”

This was all so much funnier in my head yesterday.

So, I did this thing this week, outside of all the normal things that were going on with school getting ready to start for the kids.

Well really, I did lots of things. I applied to a community college, declared a major, met with an advisor on one campus, met with another advisor on another campus, emailed yet a third advisor, turned in transcripts, got an ID, got a parking pass, registered for a class – Anatomy & Physiology I (A.G.A.I.N., because they like you to have taken such classes in the last 5 years, and that is reasonable*), set up an email, did an online orientation, set up an account for the schools registration/records system, and bought a very expensive VERY large book. If you have known me long, you probably have a snarky comment for me on not rushing in to things (I’ve been talking about this since like 2007).

I have some big hard goals. I have to ace this class. And it’s hard. I have to take the TEAS test this Fall. I have to go get my CNAI AGAIN (never let your certifications lapse, ugh). One day when all the advisors and transcript evaluators and mermaids and unicorns agree I’m ready, I’ll apply to the nursing program. It’s very competitive, they accepted roughly 50% of their applicants this year for example. And it just gets harder from there, I mean that’s just applying to the program. Just writing this kind of makes me a little nauseated. I’m not entirely sure I’m smart enough for all this. But…

Monday is my First Day of like Twenty-Teenth Grade!

Where does one get the hottest Trapper Keeper these days? Or perhaps a Hypercolor t-shirt? Can I get a meal plan at a dining hall for myself and my family?

When you are over 35 and pregnant they call you maternally geriatric, is there a note in my file somewhere that says I’m educationally geriatric?!?

If there is, is there better parking for that? Kidding, I’m sure there is also a note about the “freshman 15ish” and requiring another fitness elective or something.

Pray for me, I’m anxious.

*To get in to the nursing program they want you to have had Intro to Chemistry in high school or college. No time limit, just ya know in this lifetime. They verbally accepted my Honors Chemistry from high school from a few years ago (1996 people!), they were not so impressed with College Forensic Chemistry mind you (also not recent to be fair).

If someone tells me I have to retake Algebra (I actually have a reoccurring nightmare that I didn’t pass it and have to go back, let’s all hope that’s not coming to fruition) I will legit cry and possibly throw myself on the ground kicking (I’m around a two year old a lot). This would be basically pointless too since I’ll most likely find out by an email. Just be warned if you show up at our house and I have the snurps (when you cry so hard you can’t catch your breath “snuurp, snuurp, snuuuuuuuuuurp!”) maybe don’t ask about how school is.

Just say a prayer, and call about an exorcist. There is probably an advisor to help with that.