For just a few minutes I’m going to let my crazy out…
Some background for you on my mental status today. All the stuff “they” say about pregnant women waking up a million times at night to pee or because they are generally uncomfortable or because the baby is doing some sort of gymnastics event in her tummy…
ALL TRUE. I have always been a terrible sleeper/insomniac. Pregnancy makes me exhausted (like every other expectant mother or person shot with elephant grade tranquilizer darts) but I still can’t sleep. On top of that my children have been in cahoots (word?) to re-train us on the sleeping habits of a newborn baby. So nice of them. The Hulk has been coming in our room every night for several months right after we hit the nearly deep sleep phase. I talked about this in a previous post how some kids flail around and some hurdle over one parent and land in the middle barely noticeable, that’s him. He will even pull out all the stops and snuggles and gives kisses and says things like, “I wub you so much. You make my heart happy.” And we all drift back off to dream land too tired to address the bad habit. Then an hour or so later he is sleeping perpendicular to us in the middle (forming appropriately the letter “H” for Hulk Hoegler). Someone likely has feet in their face or randomly gets an open handed face slap and no one sleeps well. So one of us (usually Steve because he is on the feet side and it takes a team of 4 cross fitters to help me sit up) takes him back to his bed and we repeat this cycle again in an hour. The last week we have been determined to end this. So as soon as he comes in we take him right back. This went on 5 times in 20 minutes one night this weekend. The 5th time I happened to have taken him back and I sat in the chair in his room so he would settle in and I promptly fell asleep sitting straight up. So last night, in addition to that craziness Tater Tot woke up three times with night terrors. Nothing says adrenaline rush like a 4.5 year old screaming and flailing and not even recognizing you like night terrors. You aren’t supposed to wake them, or are you who knows and I can’t think clearly when being screamed at at 2:30am. It’s like a tiny little flash back to her days of colic. Add in some preggo lady acid reflux and me attempting to sleep in a recliner and I figure I got 12 minutes of sleep last night.
I’m still not entirely convinced that Steve didn’t swap out the coffee with decaf either… I drink one cup a day and I promise it’s broken.
So here the kids and I are driving down a busy Huntersville main road at 4:45pm because I had a brief nurse visit at the doctors office. They didn’t run a test on my sample they were supposed to so I needed to go back. My nerves are shot from taking two unhappy mini humans with me to the doctor. I had to supply a urine sample. They both stared at me with their ears covered (thank you automatic flushing potties for traumatizing my children) judging me and yelled (because you have to talk louder when you cover your ears) questions like, “What are you doing, ew?!?” Or “That’s a lot of TINKLES!” “Is that cause you are pregnant?!” “ARE YOU KEEPING YOUR TINKLES?” I’m sincerely sorry lobby guests. Or, your welcome for the entertainment.
Where was I… Hulk just needed help getting the Kindle from only displaying things in Japanese (possibly, I couldn’t read it so who knows). That reminds me of some funniness about my kids only wanting to watch Sonic the Hedgehog in SPANISH (which they don’t speak or understand) lately but that’s another post…
Ah yes, so I’m tired, I’m at the end of the day level of patience and que the bad drivers. I.Just.Can’t.
I can actually see the lady in the very tiny busted up car in front of me messing with her phone while we are in stop and go traffic. Not stopped traffic. Not a stoplight. Stop and go. After the third time she stopped abruptly without cause and a full 5 lengths back from the car in front of her leaving me stopped in an intersection (typical first child here, I’m a rule follower and I get twitchy about stuff like that) I started having the visions.
Visions of me exiting my vehicle and yanking the phone from her hand and throwing a Cam Newton quality (2015 season, 2016 didn’t go as well or really, maybe more like Johhny Football in 2016 because I’m not all that coordinated, see what I did there?) pass of said phone into oblivion while yelling like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. It was definitely a “train the new officer day” for the HPD because I saw this one SUV all over today with people stopped. Had the new guy collared me I could have made his career. Headline- “Decorated young officer saves town from hormonal rage!”
Hormones, sleep deprivation? Maybe. What is wrong with people? That’s rhetorical, the answers are endless. I realized I probably need some lavender or perhaps a calming oil in my life. Maybe even a sedative or some anger management classes. Back to real life, I hear from the back seat, “Lady, was your deal?!?” (Hulk) Oh bless my heart. I’m teaching my kids such useful things.
Just thought I would let you all in on where I’m at on the crazy scale in case you see me on the news. Feel free to set up a donation account for my legal defense. I really worry Steve might leave me in jail so he can eliminate one of the the three people that are keeping him from sleeping well. Actual Steve quote from my first pregnancy, “do you REALLY need to pee that often or is it just in your head?”
If you are reading this in traffic in a beat up car I’m looking at you. Put the phone down and I will put down the 40lbs purse full of snacks, water cups, and diaper wipes, matchbox cars, and a sensible shade of lip gloss (with sunscreen of course) that I’m considering going old lady violent on you with.
Let me just go tuck my crazy back in.