AFAF

So today my 4.5 year old asked a question. 

“Mommy, do all pregnant ladies have yellow teeth?” 

She is really VERY sweet natured so the sad part is that she was just asking a question after making an observation. Ugh. (I’ll just be over here with my jaw clenched shut now)

So I start a search of the interwebs on teeth whitening during pregnancy. It appears to be frowned upon, like all fun stuff (bungee jumping, donating blood, eating deli meat from the fridge, climbing to the top of lighthouses… the list is endless). 
This brings me to my first point for today-

I’m going to start a new search engine and it will be called…

 “Asking for a friend.” 

Or, “AFAF” for short. Because then you don’t feel weird searching for pictures of rashes (you know who you are) or how long to bake a potato (this is me, every time I use the oven to bake them, sad). 

Thank me later, this is a golden idea. I just need to learn how to work the interwebs and some minor computer design stuff. I mean Siri is often not that helpful (she doesn’t speak southern) and her directions are terrible. Every time I attempt to have use the talk to text feature and text my brother (Carl Schweppe, that last “e” is pronounced) I get this-

HE?!? No! 

AND she has no sense of humor. My sight will feature a touch of sarcasm. That’s a lie, it’s going to be really sarcastic. “If you don’t know that I’m not going to tell you, and perhaps your shouldn’t be allowed to live by yourself yet.” That idea might not take off, we’ll see.

This brings me to point two for today-

It’s really more of a question for all legit medical personnel (so don’t be looking this up on “AFAF”). There is a very common medicine out there, let’s call it “ahseetalenol,” that is pretty much the only medication preggos are allowed to take. 

Heachade? Take one, drink 4 gallons of water and lay on your left side. Cold? Take one, drink 5 gallons of water and lay on your left side. Bleeding from your tear ducts? Take two, drink 4 gallons of water, and lay on your left side. Kidding, they would most likely need you in quarantine first before they would give you the “ahseetalenol.”  

You get the point though. This is really the only thing that is probably allowed for a preggo to take for teeth whitening. And we both (me & and my one reader) know it’s not going to help whiten teeth. 

My question is this- is it a placebo? Maybe just text me or email me if you don’t want to spoil the joke for everyone else. I am not convinced it does anything. I feel like I have a right to know. I’m sort of in the medical field, I have a degree in Forensic Biology and I got my CNA. My mom was a nurse. Her mom was a nurse. Most of my mom’s family works in the medical field, someone help a sister out! 

Is it a sugar pill?!? I feel I have a better shot at curing a headache by finding unicorn tears than I do taking this one allowed medication. Preggos, am I right?!? 

Point three- I apologize to E’s teachers, friends, and any paleontologists. I had on this shirt during our breakfast discussion of yellow teeth.

(This photo was from Nerd Years Eve 2011 when we told friends that we were expecting E. Let’s not spend too much time on 4.5 year old style observations “You have yellow hair, mommy.” We were young, well rested, recently showered, and had a significantly less gray hair and wrinkles.)

Not only can E not read it but the humor is totally lost on 4.5 year olds anyway. She thought it was a dinosaur. I’m glad the school unit on dinos was a few weeks ago because she now thinks that pregnant dinosaurs are called “pregzillas,” and they probably have yellow teeth too.